“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”
― Jarod Kintz
Oh the shitty things about dating -
Shall I name a few?
1.The beginning -
Where the hell am I supposed to meet a guy (or girl)?
Through a mutual friend? Thanks but no thanks! I know my friends and they themselves are pretty fucked up. If their choice in men for me is even remotely the same as it is for themselves, I’d be up that one creek without a paddle. NEXT.
Bars? Sure, I guess. But then you have to be prepared the first night to finagle your way out of sex… unless you’re just in the mood for sex, then you probably shouldn’t expect anything to come from it. But hey, one-nighters and F-buddies can be fun.
Church? SKIP IT. I don’t go, won’t go… probably would end up corrupting anyone that came from there.
Through my mom? HAHAHAHAHAHA. And that’s all there is to that.
School? Well, I’m 27 and the majority of the students on campus are approximately 8 years younger than I am. While it might be kinda cool to train someone for a bit, I don’t want to play momma just yet.
Work? ALWAYS ends badly… or married. But Mostly badly and then you have to see each other. That awkward “I loved you once, now you’re an asshole” glance in the hallway or the breakroom. I’m gonna go with, naaah.
Random outings with large groups of people (for me, that’s kickball when it’s in season)? This seems about right… until you realize that the dude you’ve been crushing on has slept with every other girl on the team.
Ok, so now we’ve gone through the WHERE. Let’s talk “getting to know you”. My favorite part.
It’s always fun at first! The flirting. The incessant messages and cute little quips.
Then, when you begin to run out of surface stuff to say you have to sit and debate when to bring the baggage in. Cause, trust me sista’, everyone has it.
You’re not friends, you may or may not have slept together… you may or may not be spending all your waking/non-working moments in each others arms dreamily pretending that the honeymooner stage lasts forever.
Say you’re just talking – that you’re good about keeping space and distance at the beginning (which is good, btw). so, you strike up a conversation, which to you is just casual… but you strike a nerve. It’s a nerve you didn’t know existed because YOU DON’T KNOW THIS PERSON. *crickets* Awkward silence.
You can try to cover it. You can try to dig deeper… either way it’s just crap.
Now, most of the time you have to start back at one (finding a place to meet someone)….
Then you meet the super cute one… the one that everyone kinda has their eye on that kissed you once when you were really drunk… and on your way to his house to hang out for the first time you get a text that goes something like:
“I should give you this disclaimer – this isn’t going to go anywhere, we aren’t going to get married or have babies or even date. No one can know about this. I just don’t want to be in a relationship”
You go anyway. Start catching feelings… and a week later he’s in a relationship with someone else while sending you dirty texts and saying that he’s not “Sexually attracted to her… and you know I’m a sexual man”
Come to find out, her mom is in the hospital and he just wants a piece of ass.
Back to step one…
You waste time on people who are either
1. dating for fun
2. rebounding (oh, don’tcha know!)
3. looking to be married TOMORROW
4. mentally unstable
5. spend more time with their cat than with other humans (this may or may not be me…)
6. assholes looking to make themselves look better to pick up more chicks. I’m pretty sure it’s fact somewhere that women (in bars mostly) are DRAWN to a taken man
Then if you find someone you kinda like you have to deal with the… “do I REALLY like them? do I not like them? Could I stick around them for a long time? Oh shit, what if it’s forever… nah,not this one… let’s find someone else”
I’m kinda over it.
I don’t want to be in love at this point.
I’m already exhausted and love takes your energy. It gives you strength in new ways but ZAPS every other life source out of you until you’ve given your last breath… and then, like the dementors in Harry Potter it sucks some more.
I’ve grown fairly accustomed to being alone. I mean, yeah, the majority of my friends are married and on their 3rd baby. They have a career and a house with 2 bathrooms and 3 cars that they really don’t need.
Me, I’m in a tiny apartment in Little Rock. I have a dog and a cat… my keyboard and my computer.
But I’m honestly pretty happy over all.
I’ve learned that I don’t NEED someone beside me. There are days when I really want someone to share the ups and downs of life with. And maybe I will get it, maybe I won’t.
I’m not bitter. I’m not resentful. I’ve had some pretty shit relationships, to be honest… but I think the scars are more like tattoos, they’re permanent but they’re also something beautiful I am proud to show of and say “SEE WHAT I LEARNED”