“We accept the love we think we deserve”- perks of being a wallflower
I talked to my mom tonight. Kinda crazy how things can get put into perspective.
My sister is back in a women’s shelter. She and her two babies have had a fairly tough year. Granted, I will add this note: I got her out of her mess, offered her a place to live etc., and she went back to her crazy ex. It doesn’t diminish her issues, but gives insight into how she thinks.
I don’t know what happened this time, I’ve been keeping tabs on the crazy ol’ bro-in-law. He’s an ass, btw.
So, she’s back in a shelter. Having been in one to get away from my dad while I was in high school, yeah, they suck.
My other sister, she just turned 18, she’s in love with a man (or thinks she is) who physically abuses her. … If it weren’t grounds for “premeditated” I’d tell you what I would like to do to him. But, she makes choices. We all do.
I read this quote once that said something like:”the brain is an amazing thing, it works from birth up until you fall in love..,” it’s kinda true. Especially when you’re young and don’t know any better.
My dad was gone about 10 years ago, maybe a little less, so my sister spent most of her years without a father. The oldest of us, we got the shit best out of us for nothing… Not sure which is worse, but that’s not the point. The point is that there are people who crave love *ooohhhh pick me! Pick me!* and they’ll go to any heights, lengths or pain to get what they FEEL is love. “Feel” bring the key word.
See, when you’ve never been loved, at least not the the way you’re supposed to, you form these attachments. These ties with people who find you. These people prey on those who need love. They may or may not do it intentionally, but they do it.
So you’re like a love deprived gazelle snuggling up to a starving lion… Or hyena (cue The Lion King, I hated those laughing bastards). While you’re grazing in this field of what you think is love, there’s a big ass predator behind you tearing away at your flesh.
Too gruesome? Eh. Just think about the scars that are left on your heart after being in a relationship. If you get out, which a lot of people don’t, you’ve got chunks torn out of you. You’re not just broken, you’re missing.
Then comes the trying to repair- this is the part that I struggled with the most. Rebound.
Have you ever heard the quote “to get over someone you just need to get under someone else”? – FYI it’s a load of crock.
People don’t heal. They go from one destructive relationship to the next always hoping that this portion of their heart that they have left will magically be repaired by the next man, woman, whatever that “loves them”. Two halves don’t make a whole in this instance.
Putting two broken, mangled hearts together would be like having open heart surgery with someone who doesn’t match you in a salon that specializes in hair color. It. Makes. No. Sense.
I’ve had my share of mangled. Shit, I wake up some days with these scars throbbing, I’m not healed yet. I get that now. It took a lot of botched surgeries to realized that I was continuing to lose pieces of me… And nothing was being regained.
So, technically this didn’t start about me, so I won’t end it in the normal, selfish way … Maybe
My family grew up hearing that we weren’t worth shit (amongst other things that we “weren’t worth”) somewhere in the back of all of our minds we believed it. You can’t help what you believe as a child, as you grow it becomes ingrained in you.
How does one change their thinking? How do you wake up and look at the same person you’ve been looking at your whole life, be it 8 or 82 years, and say “you deserve better”?
What has to change in someone’s mind for them to realize that they’re worthy of love? the real kind of love, not the kind where he chokes you unconscious and wakes you the next day with flowers.
Love- we all want it. There’s no denying that it’s a driving factor in most people’s lives. Love from a spouse, friend, boy/girlfriend, love from family or children…
So, if this thing is so important to people, why do they not treat it, and the vessel with value. If love is this expensive perfume, wouldn’t you be careful not to crack the bottle?
Just some thoughts.